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3 Co-Parenting Communication Strategies to Minimize Conflict with Your Narcissistic Ex

3 Co-Parenting Communication Strategies to Minimize Conflict with Your Narcissistic Ex

One of the questions we most often receive at FamiliPay is the question of co-parenting with a narcissistic ex with the hopes of minimizing conflict. And that’s perfectly logical: sometimes their attitude makes it seem like you have everything going against you, no matter how hard you try to provide your child with a childhood they deserve.

Before going any further, it’s important to note here that narcissism is a serious personality disorder, and one we wouldn’t throw around lightly. As such, it should exclusively be diagnosed by a trained professional, and you should definitely consider getting co-parenting counseling, especially if they have a history of abuse, addiction issues, etc.

That being said, we completely understand where you’re coming from. Your ex may be tough to get along with, it may often seem like he’s playing for some other team, and it’s almost like they’re only looking for ways to create conflict.

In cases like these, just having a frank conversation won’t do. You’ll need to pick up additional communication strategies to effectively co-parent with a narcissistic ex and neutralize any conflict attempts coming from them.

We’d love to share three great strategies for co-parenting communication with a narcissistic ex with you. Give them a shot, and you’ll learn to manage the difficult relationship with ease in no time.

1) Treat any communication like business communication

In every business relationship, there is a certain tone of communication and there are certain boundaries. Treat any communication with your narcissistic ex like a business relationship.

Start by setting boundaries and make them clear. Define the channels of communication you’ll use, the frequency of communication, and the topics you’ll communicate about.

A good guideline here is to only communicate about matters concerning your child. You shouldn’t be talking about your private lives with each other, as these could be triggering to your ex. Moreover, if your ex can be particularly problematic, keep oral communication to a minimum, and save all written communication as evidence should the need arise (fingers crossed that it doesn’t, though).

The point is the clearer you make the terms of your communication, the easier that communication will go - and the more you limit the communication, the fewer chances there will be for any toxicity.

Finally, think of it as business communication and take any emotion out of it. Be stoic, be rational, and be clear in your communication. By doing this, you’ll be minimizing any potential triggers for your toxic ex.

2) Never indulge them by engaging in arguments

If you’re co-parenting with a toxic ex, you have to try to always stay calm and collected. Remember that toxic people only feed on emotional reactions from their targets. Refuse to be their target.

Sure, in particular situations, this will seem like mission impossible. But just keep your cool past the peak of the tension, and you’ll be proud of yourself moments later.

If you receive a message designed to provoke a reaction, don’t react right away. Instead, give yourself some time to work through it, collect your thoughts, and then reply in a calm manner to deescalate the situation.

When it gets extremely hard, think about the main reason why you’re doing this in the first place - your child. If it may be hard for your toxic ex to put the child above their personal needs for validation, etc, it doesn’t have to be the same for you.

Ultimately, when enough time passes, you’ll familiarize yourself with your ex’s triggers, and that in itself will prove invaluable in controlling the situation and keeping things calm.

3) Take up a co-parenting app designed to minimize conflict

Pick your phone up, and check - you most likely have an app for just about anything you can imagine. Why not take up a co-parenting app designed to minimize conflict specifically in situations like yours?

You’ll find these apps easy to use, extremely practical, and limiting in all the right away to cut down on any unnecessary conflict. It’s how we’ve developed our own FamiliPay.

In addition to other co-parenting-specific features such as the shared co-parenting calendar, shared payments, storage for receipts, court orders, etc., FamiliPay also offers a top-notch communications intermediary.

It only allows form emails with no allowance for personal communication or hidden agenda, limiting your toxic ex only to the most essential messages. Additionally, all communication is saved in your profile should the need arise.

Like what you hear? Start your 3-month free trial today!